Being back home reminded me of the wonderful things we have to look forward to... namely, family! We saw my parents, my sister and her husband, and Kevin's cousins on this particular visit. Kevin's cousin has two little girls who are a few years older than Nora and she just idolizes them! Sadly I totally forgot to take any pictures of them, or of my sister and Nora. But here are some of Nora and her Nana and Papa, Dante the dog, and the three of us...
Dante was eating grass here or something. He and Nora are regular buddies! Nora could spend hours throwing him the ball. One morning she fed him his entire breakfast, piece by piece, by hand.
We've been trying to do Nora's hair up in pigtails more often or else it gets totally crazy. Actually, it gets pretty crazy even in pigtails. I don't think I'm adept at hairstyling...
My dad used to push on the swings and say "Over the top!" and we would squeal in delight because it felt like we really were about to go over the top. Now Nora gets to experience the same joy. :)
This would be an amazing picture except nothing was making Nora smile (even though her Nana was trying to tickle her). At least she's looking in the right direction!
The three of us- I keep looking at this and trying to figure out what Nora gets from me and what she gets from Kevin. She definitely looks a lot like Kevin! But, I can see aspects of her that resemble me too. I don't think she looks like either of our "mini me", though.
1) We are doing pretty good on getting things ready for the move. Kevin scheduled the movers, and we're shipping the cars. We still need to box everything up (though we got about half of it done back in March when we had to send stuff to a storage unit for the house showings)- luckily Kevin is done with school so he can start working on it in the next week or two.
2) I interviewed while I was out in Colorado a couple of weekends ago- it went well and I think I'll be starting in July, though all the details are still getting worked out. Hopefully the transition goes okay and I have time to finish up all the current papers that I'm working on. I'm so grateful I've found something that fits within my interests- it's not an easy time to find a job!
3) A typical Nora conversation while walking home from the park: "I walk on the grass. Dirt! Trees! Up high! Hi doggy. Woof, woof! Rock! I go get it. Mommy, hold hands? Other hand! Yellow car. Watch out, Nora! Hey bird. Look, mommy. Bird!" and so on the whole time.
4) My work friends were so wonderfully kind to throw us a goodbye party this weekend. We really will miss everyone so much! I'm lucky to have been part of such a great community for the last four years.
5) One thing that is not going so well- selling our house. :( We've had a lot of showings, though they've slowed down considerably. We've had three people *almost* make offers, but so far it hasn't worked out. We'll probably have to lower the price soon... ugh. Cross your fingers for us that it sells soon!
6) I'm really excited about our new rental house in Colorado. There is a lot more closet and storage space, plus an extra bedroom than we have now. And our bathroom will have two sinks! I never want to live in a house with only one sink in the master bath again. It's also close to the rec center, pool, and parks. I honestly can't wait to move in!
Let me go off on a tangent: I love traveling. I've often said how the three months sailing aboard Semester at Sea were some of the best of my life. I think one of the things that made it so special and so unique is that for those months, every day was a thrill ride. There were so many highs, and so many lows. I felt so alive, all the time. There were new sights, new smells, new foods, new people. There were experiences so breathtaking and heartbreaking that it made you grateful for every moment of existence. And being in the middle of the ocean not only gave time for reflection, but provided a perfect personification of the experience: the ocean could swell in fury, wind, and storm; and then hours later be the smoothest, glassy plane you could possibly imagine. Perfect peace.
Maintaining that feeling, of being alive and recognizing each blessed moment, is hard in the real world. I've occasionally gone months in the last decade where I'm lucky to have even one of those moments in the midst of the mundane. Travel always is one of the best ways to feel "in the moment" and so I've loved visiting new countries over the years when I can. But to get to the topic of this post- I think motherhood may be the closest I've come to that sensation on an every day basis.
In my experience of motherhood, there have been lows, and there have been highs. It's exhausting, but it's completely rewarding. Every day is an adventure.
Don't get me wrong- this post isn't to say that motherhood is valuable only in its ability to fix some kind of andrenaline rush, or to pretend that a large part of motherhood isn't comprised of slogging through hour after hour of banal moments, thinking oh-my-god-how-many-more-times-do-I-have-sing-twinkle-twinkle-little-star, or if-I-have-to-watch-this-Elmo-video-again-I-might-lose-it.
But rather it's to say, there are moments staring at this little being of mine when the same feeling of being completely connected to the earth and the universe overtakes me, as it did on that ship, watching the glass of the ocean reflect the predawn sky. I am so lucky to be on this journey with this little girl. This thing called motherhood, it is the most blessed gift of my life.
Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mother, who is still my safe harbor; to my wonderful mother-in-law, who gave me my dearest husband to go on this journey with; and to all mothers, who would travel to the ends of the universe for their kids.
There is a great group of spouses of doctors, whom I follow both on personal blogs and on a Facebook group. I don't talk all that much about medical school on here, largely because... I'm not sure how I feel being considered a "doctor's wife".... or being defined based on what my spouse does for a career.
On one hand, I'm supremely proud of Kevin and all he has accomplished. He's worked very hard and I certainly like to brag about him on occasion. :) I'm happy to be his wife and to support him on his path. And it's not an easy road. I think the general public underestimates how difficult and costly the medical path is for families. That's why I appreciate this group of women who are going through or have gone through this path of supporting your spouse through medical training and understand the connotations of "surgery rotation", "Step One", and "Match Day". It's simply nice to know other people are struggling but surviving too. And I'm so glad to be a part of that support group.
On the other hand, while I will indeed soon be a "doctor's wife", I have also been an "engineer's wife" and a "military wife" (or rather, girlfriend) in the past. Of course, the "military wives" deserve every ounce of respect and honor that comes with that label because they have to deal with their husbands being gone for months and years at a time, and always with the fear that something will physically harm their loved ones.
Who has ever heard the phrase "engineer's wife"? Exactly no one. That's because for whatever reason, if your husband has a regular 8-5 job, you still maintain your own identity in the eyes of everyone else. No one makes immediate assumptions about your financial status, career, intelligence, or abilities.
And that's why I struggle with this label that, while I'm proud to accept (and happy that there are resources for), I also feel has been hoisted upon me. How ridiculous would it be if, in talking about me and my husband, people were like "Well, he's a scientist's husband, so he hardly needs to worry about having his own career."
Don't get me wrong... I understand why the label exists. The medical path isn't easy for many years, but there is, presumably, a large payoff in the end. The same can't really be said for the military path, for example. The label might not be fair but it's there for a reason.
You can see I'm conflicted. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: In some of the medical spouse blogs I read, it's amazing to see the strong women who deal with the nitty gritty of every day life while their spouses are away for long hours at the hospital. There's the woman who works incredibly hard during tax season; another who just got her PhD; another who stays home with an adorable little girl; another who has a both a fascinating career and a great fashion sense. They are interesting people in their own right; they are so much more than what the label "doctor's wife" might tell you about them. And while we all have in common our significant other's career, that label tells you so very little about the actual differences that define us.
We've visited Sherwood Gardens in the spring for the past twoyears- there are lovely beds of beautiful tulips. The first year I was hugely pregnant, the second year Nora had an ear infection so we only got grumpy photos. This year, I was actually out of town- at my conference (it went well- but was exhausting). So Kevin took Nora to get some spring photos. She has crazy hair but they turned out cute! I thought these would be nice to go with her 23 month update!
I know I keep saying it but this age is so much fun. This whole year has been completely amazing. I can't believe it's been almost another year in my baby's life, it went so fast. I find toddlerhood in general a lot more fun and rewarding than babyhood.
Let's see, Nora this month. I don't know how it happened but my child is a chatterbox. I'm not sure where she gets it from because I'm not a big talker and neither is Kevin (perhaps this is the influence of childcare?). She is regularly speaking in 2-4 word sentences now. Favorite phrases this month include "I got it!", "Oh, man!", "Mommy hold hands?", "Nora do it" (she still largely speaks in 3rd person), "Karma, get down!", and "More hairbows?", "Watch out!". She repeats everything we say and you can tell she is carefully watching our mouths and trying to make her words sound the same.
One thing that has been super fun lately is her love of singing and her ability to pick up songs after a few tries. If you sing a song and then stop at the end of phrase, she's almost always able to fill in whatever word you leave blank. The cutest one so far might be "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. So here's my number, now..." and then if you wait a second she says "Call me maybe". Sometimes it sounds more like "Come on baby". Haha, too cute. I've tried a number of nursery songs and she can fill in so many of the words. She even is usually pretty on key! I think she has a really good memory in general (that definitely comes from Kevin)- her teachers were super impressed because she learned all the kids' and teachers' last names (she knows her full name now too!).
She has been much less into toys lately and more into pretend play. She really loves to do various things with her baby and stuffed animals, like buckle them into her high chair, give them diaper changes (which turns into me giving them diaper changes because she can't get the diaper on by herself), put them down for a nap, and put hairbows on them. And after basically a year of her refusing any kind of hair accessory, she suddenly wants to wear 12 of them at once (then she requests "mirror"- upon seeing herself, she declares, "Cute!", haha).
She's definitely in a phase of wanting to walk everywhere instead of riding in her stroller. She's usually reasonably good about holding my hand but there have been some tantrums caused when she refuses to hold hands and so she has to go into her stroller or be carried.
She still has some meals where she won't eat much and other meals where she eats insanely large portions. She pretty much loves all fruit, especially grapes. She is going through an anti-egg phase at the moment. She's a pretty good eater for a toddler though- she eats Thai food and other ethnic cuisines (as long as they aren't too spicy), and certain vegetables (she likes mushrooms, broccoli, and carrots, among others). She still probably has ~12oz whole milk per day.
She is such a sweet girl. She loves giving hugs and kisses to us, and snuggling up to read. She is very good at saying "thank-you" and pretty good at saying "please" when asking for something. She loves being the center of our attention, that is for sure- probably most of her tantrums come from me not being able to pay attention to her right that second. It's a hard habit to break because I want to spend my free time with her too (but I also need to occasionally cook dinner and pick up).
We haven't gotten too far on starting potty training but we do have a potty ring for the toilet and every couple of days Nora will request "Peepee on the potty?". Unfortunately, to her this generally just seems to be a time for her to hang out naked on the potty seat while we sing songs. She had never once gone in the potty after months of this, but just a couple of nights ago she peed for the first time! We got excited and clapped and praised her, and the smile on her face was SO huge. It was like, "Oh, this is what you guys have been wanting me to do on the potty all this time?" But, not sure she's going to remember how to do it again any time soon. :)
It's going to be a big couple months of change for Miss Nora- leaving the daycare she's gone to for two years and all the teachers she's grown to love, moving from her house, likely moving to a big girl bed and switching the carseat forward, and beginning to work on potty training. I hope the adjustment goes okay. I certainly worry it's a lot of change all at once, and she has no idea it's all happening very soon (the concept of "moving in a month" is a little too remote for someone only alive for 23 months). But I know she is going to be so excited to see her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins more often.
On a sidenote, I wanted to share this video- I saw this idea on some Montessori blog for helping toddlers learn how to put their coats on themselves. Well, it's almost summer now so I'm not sure how useful this will be, but you basically lay out the coat for them with the tags towards their tummies (it's easiest on the couch but now we just lay it on the floor). Then they just put their arms in the holes and swing it over their head! Nora picked this up within a day and it's a super easy way to help them get dressed themselves.
We're moving in a month but I'm not sure I've actually accepted that we're moving. For one thing, life has pretty much stayed the same here, aside from the whole trying-to-sell-the-house chaos (don't ask how that is going. All we have to show for our efforts so far is that the people at our local grocery store are probably getting used to seeing us over there for dinner since that seems to be the most popular time for our house showings).
It feels like yesterday that we were hauling all our stuff out here, saying our goodbyes and wondering where life would lead us over the next four years of medical school. Wondering if it would be scary living in Baltimore (answer: no, not in our neighborhood); if we could find time to start a family (answer: yes; there's never a perfect time to have a baby); if we could survive the stress and long hours of separation that medical school brings (answer: yes, I think our relationship has grown stronger, but not without some ups and downs along the way). Honestly I've enjoyed living out here more than I thought I would. We've made some good friends, found fun activities, explored our city and neighborhood, tried new restaurants. I've learned so much in my career. I've been happy here. I'm so glad we chose this path four years ago.
But I feel like we've definitely changed. Living out here with just each other to depend on, we've been forced to grow up in a way we hadn't before. I look back at the person I was 4 years ago and though many things remain the same- my aspirations, my priorities, my beliefs- I'm still irrevocably different than that girl. Certainly the biggest change is motherhood, but I've changed in other ways too- professionally, and personally. Sometimes for the better- I feel more confident in my professional abilities, for one thing; but sometimes for the worse- I feel more serious and less lighthearted than I used to. And Kevin has changed too- I don't think you can go through the kind of intense training he has done for the last four years and not be changed in some way. And certainly in our parenthood journey, I've demanded more of him than I ever did in our early years of marriage (he has met the challenge every step of the way).
Now we move to a new chapter. In some ways I think things will be easier- we will have so many more friends and family close by. We won't have to use vacation time to go home for the holidays. We'll be closer to nature and outdoor activities that we enjoy. But Kevin's schedule is sure to be trying and isolating at times for both of us, even with family close. We will have to change and evolve again.
We moved here with one cat and one car, a new diploma for me, and a new career path for Kevin. We leave with two cats, two cars, our precious daughter, four years of employment under my belt, and a new diploma for Kevin. In another four years, who will we be?
