This last week, I made my return to work. I actually really really like my job and in many ways I was excited to get back to some of the projects that I left back in May. It was definitely good to see everyone again.
It was harder to leave Nora than I anticipated though. It's weird, the first couple of weeks as a mom when I was exhausted and the baby was screaming, I had moments where I just felt like I missed my job so much. I missed my old routine! But now, it's really hard to leave her for 10 hours of the day after being (often literally) attached to her for the last 2.5 months. In some ways it almost feels chemical/biological, like I can't control the feelings of wanting to stay attached. Which I guess makes sense. I just don't get quite the happy oxytocin rush with the plastic pump as I do with my baby. :)
On the other hand, I don't think at this point in my life I would like staying at home full-time either. I'm at a happy point in my career with lots of opportunities. I worked a long time to get to this point. And my job and co-workers have been so great- supportive and offering a more flexible schedule for me. My work is interesting and rewarding to me, for the most part.
Daycare for Nora starts on Monday. There are many things about daycare that I hate- exposure to germs, the insane expense, being away for so long from her, missing her day-to-day changes, etc. But I'm trying to focus on the benefits- she's getting better socialized, learning to self-soothe, has people who are trained to interact and educate young infants with her every day (compared to me, who still has trouble remembering the words to "Itsy Bitsy Spider"). I'm trying to focus on enjoying every moment I do have with her rather than regretting every moment I don't. But it is hard. Because you know that you can't do everything, be everything, as much as you want it.
I work in daycare so I can understand your anxiety a little. Just try to see it as a good way for Nora to experience other things. She can socialise with other babies, she'll have different toys to play with, and get used to other adults. As for the germs thing, at least it means she will have a stronger immune system in later life.
ReplyDeleteOther thing I would say is that leaving her might be difficult, especially if she is upset, but really the best thing to do is just leave (easier said than done, I know!) she won't get so worked up that way and we have plenty of kids that calm down as soon as their parents leave.
Good luck :)