Six Months Post-partum

Six months post-partum and I finally feel like my body is my own again.

Which, in many ways is bittersweet. I *loved* being pregnant. Especially after 20 weeks. I loved the baby bump, the baby kicks and rolls (the most amazing feeling in the world), the ultrasounds, the ba-da-boom sound of the heartbeat in my doppler. It feels now like one of the shortest, sweetest moments of my life.

There were things about pregnancy that weren't so great. The constant nausea of the first trimester; the not-knowing if things were really okay; the pitting edema I got in the third trimester (I think Kevin thought that was cool though- he could seriously push down on my ankle and leave a finger indent that would last like 5 minutes. Eww. That might have been my least favorite thing). The difficulty sleeping in the third trimester (though honestly looking back I was sleeping 100x better than those first few weeks after we brought Nora home).

And then you think, oh, it will be nice to have "myself" back after the birth. But you don't, at least if you're breastfeeding- you still can't take certain medications, go on a drinking binge (not like I really wanted to, but the option wasn't there...), have too much coffee, etc. And then about 3 months post-partum, you start losing handfuls- and I mean HANDFULS- of hair. I guess because your hormones are all giving you beautiful hair, skin, and nails while pregnant, and then that plug is pulled.

But now-- I feel like me again. I'm no longer breastfeeding. I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight (actually a few pounds under). The hair loss has finally tapered off to pre-pregnancy levels. The water retention lasted a few weeks after birth and I have never been so appreciative of my ankle bones. My c-section scar is still apparent, but it has softened to the touch and you would never see it in a bathing suit. After months of belly bloat and waiting for the organs to re-settle into the space previously filled by 7 lbs of baby, my stomach seems mostly back to normal. Though my belly button might never look the same again.

I didn't get many stretch marks, but I did get a little circle of them right around my belly button. I was so worried about stretch marks but I don't mind these. They have faded and are very light and silvery already. They spiral around my belly button like a galaxy, a reminder of the world I shared with Nora for a short time and the world I once shared with my own mother. For sure, my body is my own again- but I will never be the same.