Inner Conflicts

There are some inner conflicts that come with being a mother.

For example, I already miss traveling, both for work and for fun. I never did it all that often, but in the last ten years it was pretty typical for me to travel to at least one international location per year- and cool places, too, like Norway, Australia, and Italy; or if not work, then for fun, usually with my sister (you can read about our adventures in Peru, but we also traveled all over Europe) or with Kevin. Traveling is one of my favorite things to do- I especially love planning trips and then seeing all my hard work pay off. I'd much rather save up my money to spend on travel than pretty much anything else. Of course it helped for work travel to have an advisor with some grant money and to have conferences at neat locations- it's a lot harder to get funding to travel abroad now that I'm not a student and not in academia.

But, for several reasons, it's harder to travel now that Nora is here. There have been (and will probably be, coming up in the next year) a couple opportunities at work to go abroad, but the issue is that (a) I have no local family to watch her while I'm gone and (b) Kevin's schedule is too unknown and too packed full to be able to plan for such a trip in advance (on certain rotations, he might leave before she wakes up and come home after she's asleep on a bad day). And (c), I'm not sure I want to be away from her for more than a day or two at this point anyway! I could take her with me, but traveling on a long flight with an infant by myself and then having to deal with her jet lag and finding childcare at the destination just does not sound worthwhile to me.

Another source of inner conflict comes from how to entertain and spend time with Nora at this age. When I go to work, I miss Nora, and I'm sad to leave her at daycare; and when it's the weekend, I'm happy that I'll get to spend two whole days with her. But.... on the other hand, when I actually have a whole day to spend with her, I often find myself wondering: "what in the heck are you supposed to do with a baby all day long?"

Usually I can find stuff to entertain her in our small house up until about 3pm (and it's a lot easier on nice days when we can go for a stroller ride)- but at that point, we've gone to all the parts of the house, played with all her toys multiple times, and sometimes, I have no clue what to do next. It's made a little more difficult by the fact that she doesn't take very long naps so she's awake almost the entire day. It does reinforce the feeling that at this point in my life I wouldn't be cut out to be a stay-at-home parent. I often feel like she probably gets more stimulation and activity at daycare than with me (I mean, look at all the creativity she's using there!). I'm hoping once she is a toddler I'll feel like I can take her out to more places like children's museums and playgrounds and there will be more for her to do.

Anyway, this post isn't too say that I'm sad or upset about these sources of inner conflict, but merely to state that they are there, in case other new parents are going through the same thing. In the end, it's all worth it for this little face:

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She's a Mover

Nora has been working on getting around this month- she is quite the army crawler. Here is a video showing her skills, plus her new maneuver as of this last weekend: getting from her tummy up into a sitting position. She is so proud of herself, she has been doing this non-stop since she figured it out- tummy, sitting, tummy, sitting- even in the middle of the night- I'll wake up and see her sitting up in her crib! Then back down to her tummy for more sleeping.

A few comments: yes, I'm aware that she's headed straight for a staircase with nary a baby gate in sight. We need to buy one soon, but as you can see, army crawling is quite slow. However, she's started spending more time on her knees, so regular crawling might not be too far away.

Also, she is missing a sock. Whoops. And she is crawling for both the actual cat and the cats' water bowl, which is her absolute favorite thing to go after, so there is conveniently no longer water in there because it was just getting too messy (sorry cats- they have another bowl downstairs). You can also tell that she doesn't listen to her name if distracted by something, i.e., the cat.

I still think she is the cutest baby ever.

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Friday Fragments

1. Poor Nora got sick again this week. This time I'm not sure what it is- the only symptom is a somewhat high, persistent fever (the highest was 102.7F). I took her to the pediatrician yesterday and her ears look fine. No cough or congestion. The pediatrician (not our normal one) said her throat looked a little red and it was probably just a virus that we had to wait out. Easy enough to say, but I really don't have much sick leave, so "waiting it out" isn't a great option for me! Sigh. Hopefully only the next few months will be bad for colds/viruses and then she'll be perfectly healthy all summer- fingers crossed, right?

2. Kevin has started his surgery rotation. It kind of sucks so far and we're only on week 2 (out of 8)! Surgeons are crazy and I have to say I'm happy that he has stated he is never choosing a surgery specialty. For example, Tuesday he was at the hospital for 17 hours (from like 5am to 10pm). Today he woke up at 3am to get to his morning rounds on time (I mean, really, what patient wants visitors at that ungodly hour?). He also only gets one day off this week, which is actually probably good compared to whatever the residents are getting (one of which, he tells me, was getting very grumpy after his 36 hour shift- yeah- 36 hours!!! Who wouldn't be grumpy?). Maybe this isn't too shocking out there for others who have already gone through this, but I am not a fan. At this stage in our lives, I think lifestyle is just too important to pick a specialty like this. Though perhaps this gives me insight into what residency is going to be like...

3. One of my baby's favorite toys is a giant plastic camping spoon. With a long handle that could probably poke out her eye. I know, I shouldn't let her play with it, but it entertains her for like 10 minutes, which can't be said of most toys. I do try to carefully supervise...

4. Nora sleeps with her butt in the air. It's so cute, it makes me laugh. Exhibit A:

5. I got a new computer. I haven't had any time really to get it working yet though, which is sad. I started it up, but now I'm having wireless connectivity issues that I can't figure out. Sad! I want it to work ASAP.

6. This video is like a month old but it makes me laugh- Nora is a fan of peekaboo but I guess it works better with a smaller cloth!

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Baby Food Makin'

I actually meant to write this post like a month ago- whoops! I wanted to go over my baby food making technique. I've been mostly following wholesomebabyfood.com. In the end I mostly make Nora's food because it's fun, and it probably has saved some money. The food is also really easy to make for the most part. I thought I would quickly type up how I cook some of Nora's favorite foods by level of difficulty.

Bananas (Easier)

Bananas are the easiest thing. All I do is slice them up, put them on a saran-wrap covered plate or cookie tray (not touching), put another piece of saran wrap on top, and then stick them in the freezer. 24 hours later, I move the frozen pieces to a freezer bag. There is some slight browning but it's really not too bad. To serve, I heat up 2-3 pieces for 30 seconds in the microwave- they are super easy to mash with a fork after that.

Avocado (Easier)

Cut in half, scoop out pit, then scoop out each half. Slice, then either serve freshly mashed or to store: follow the saran-wrap/freezer procedure for the bananas. You can use a little squirt of lemon to keep from browning, but I haven't because citrus can be troublesome for a young baby's tummy. The pieces get very little brown on them if you make sure the saran wrap is touching all the sides of each piece. I serve the same way I described in the banana section- though lately, Nora is enjoying finger foods more and she likes to suck on the frozen slice of avocado.

Green Beans or Peas (Easier)

These are easy because I can get frozen bags of them- just make sure there's no added ingredients (like salt). Then I just cook them according to the directions on the bag, throw them in the food processor, and make sure they really get pureed. I put the puree into my ice cube tray, freeze for 24 hours, then move to a freezer bag. Nora will currently eat 2-3 cubes at a time (mixed with carrots is a favorite).

Pears (easier)

If the pear is ripe and soft, you can just peel the pear, cut into chucks (discard core), and puree in the food processor (no cooking necessary); then freeze in cubes. If the pear isn't quite ripe, you can quickly steam them in about an inch of water in a saucepan on the stove, then follow the same instructions.

Pumpkin (easier)

Buy canned pumpkin (make sure it's plain pumpkin and not pumpkin pie filling). Serve fresh from can, or freeze in ice cube trays.

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Apples (Harder)

These involve slightly more time because you first have cut them into chunks (discarding the core) and then cook. Then there are two ways I have cooked them. (1) Remove peel first, then cut into chunks. Put in a saucepan over medium heat with about an inch of water until the water boils, then reduce heat and steam until soft. Put in food processor and blend. Freeze in ice cube trays as noted above.

OR (2) Bake apple chunks (with peel ON) at 400F for about 30 minutes, with about an inch of water in the bottom of the pan. If your baby is older than 7-8 months with no known allergies to dairy or other tummy problems, you can add a little butter and cinnamon to the top. When soft, you can put them into the food processor (I actually left the peels on, but you can discard the peel at this time if you want), then freeze in cubes. Or you can cut the apple up into very small pieces to serve as finger food.

Butternut or Acorn Squash (Harder)

Cut the squash in half (I like acorn the best because I hate trying to cut through butternut squash). Scoop out the seeds and discard. Put the halfs face/flesh down in a baking pan with about an inch of water in the bottom of the pan. Bake at 400F for 40 minutes until squash is very soft. Scoop out of rind into food processor and puree (though not much pureeing will be necessary). Freeze in cubes, save in freezer bag.

Sweet potatoes (Harder)

These actually aren't that much harder than the squash, but the peel is kind of annoying and they take longer to bake. Basically, you just bake them in the oven with peels on (stab with a fork a couple of times before hand, wrap in tinfoil, place in oven) at 400F for 45-60 minutes. Once they are very soft, the peels should easily come off after cooling (I've found that some peels are easier than others). You can also boil or steam the potatoes, but I've never tried it.


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I should mention- I buy pureed carrots, because there are some issues with nitrates from carrots that I don't want to deal with.

Also, while I've had fun making these basic purees, as Nora is now graduating to chunkier (and meatier) foods, I don't have it in me to create fancy combinations of purees (like apple chicken rice or something like that), so I'll probably start buying more Stage 3 baby foods to go with her favorite purees that I still make. Plus we've been using dinner time to give her finger foods- puffs, plain spaghetti, chicken or ground turkey (in very tiny pieces), baked apple chunks, steamed green beans, etc. Still, I found it pretty easy and fun to make these purees for the last 2 months, so I hope I can help someone else out there enjoy it too!

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Christmas Photos

We celebrated Christmas Eve with my family, then split Christmas Day between Kevin's and my families, and then the following evening with Kevin's family. Sharing holidays can be kind of tricky! But we were happy to get the chance to see almost everyone.

The best part was finally getting some time for Nora to spend with all her family members (she met them all at points in the last six months, but I feel like now she's a little more interactive and fun than as a colicky newborn).

* Just a note: These photos are taken by me, my sister, Sara, or my mom. I didn't do any photo editing here, mostly due to lack of time.

Nora and her BFF (as per her pajamas, which state "Me + My Aunt=BFF):

Nora's grandparents were super happy to see her. Here's 3 generations on my side of the family (plus Dante the dog):

Nora and Dante hung out a lot. Nora was fascinated by Dante, but wasn't a fan of doggy mouth kisses! Here are the floor buddies:



The Christmas tree. My parents did a great job decorating it!



Christmas Eve, we drank homemade eggnog that Kevin made, had a delicious dinner, and lit Chinese lanterns. And took pictures in front of the tree!

Me and my siblings:



Me and Kevin:



Our little family's first Christmas together:



On Christmas morning, Nora got to open her very first stocking from Santa and Christmas presents from her aunts and uncles:



She got her very first cell phone from her Uncle Andrew and Aunt Sara (eek!):



(Her onesie has cookies and milk and says "For Santa. Not Daddy" on it). She thought this Christmas thing was pretty fun:

Then late morning and that night we went to celebrate with Kevin's family. Unfortunately I was a terrible picture taker (Nora tends to be clingy at night, making it hard to focus on photo-taking). I apologize, Kevin's family! I know there must be pictures out there from other people who were there- I need to hunt some down.

The rest of the week was packed full of visiting friends and family, including my two college roomies:

... and taking care of sick baby Nora (who had been feeling okay Christmas eve and day, thank goodness, but started feeling worse the day after Christmas), getting family pedicures (ah, so relaxing) and going on some nice snowy walks:

It was seriously so good to see my family. We haven't all been together in a really really long time!

And Nora was so happy to have all the attention. I'm sure she thinks it's really boring back home now. It made me really wish we all lived closer together. (How cute is this picture of my little brother and Nora? Thanks Sara!).

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Lighting up the Holidays

One of my favorite memories from this Christmas will be the Chinese sky lanterns that my sister Erin and her husband Myron brought us from Taiwan.

Christmas eve night, we wrote our wishes and dreams for the new year on the red paper balloons.

We bundled up and headed across the street to the park, our feet crunching on the icy snow.

We laughed nervously, expecting the cops to maybe show up, for lighting things on fire. :)

Myron lit the first lantern with his lighter- holding the flame to a small paper disk on the bottom of the balloon. It took awhile to get going, and slowly, magically, the paper lantern began to fill, and then float.

When the lantern is ready to fly, you can feel it on your fingertips, pulling up to the sky. You see the words you wrote, glowing with fire; you feel the weight of those hopes and dreams lift into the dark abyss.

And then you watch the other lanterns, those of your loved ones, lighting and rising into the night, growing smaller and smaller but still visible miles and miles away.

The cops never did show up. Actually, what happened was that cars driving by the park started stopping- many, many cars, wanting to watch the beauty of the lanterns in their ascent on this most holiest of nights.

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I do have some video of this event (a very brief one below). It was really an awesome thing to do. These are the same lanterns used in the Yi Peng festival in Thailand, something I've always wanted to see. You apparently can buy the balloons online. I wouldn't be surprised at all if this takes off in the United States, as it's a truly magical experience.

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Nora: Month Seven

Dear Nora-

This month was both a ton of fun and completely exhausting. Though everything makes you giggle and laugh these days, and you just love playing and exploring- for at least half of the month, you were sick, and just not yourself.

First it was a little common cold and congestion, which turned into a bad cough and some vomiting, and a low grade fever for ~10 days, which led to two different antibiotics and your first trip to the ER (we would have just gone to our normal pediatrician, but we were in Colorado for the holidays). Even though you were diagnosed with an ear infection and bronchiolitis, you still were giggling away and charming the doctors in the cutest baby hospital gown I've ever seen:

Still, you were very clingy and fussy, and waking up very frequently. One night I think you woke up more than once per hour the entire night! But we knew it was because you didn't feel good, so we rocked you and did everything we could to try to make you more comfortable.

Sickness aside, when you're feeling good you are generally a happy baby, and you made our families completely gaga for you when we visited over the holidays with your big laugh and your goofy tongue-out smiles (sometimes while eating carrots):

(thanks to my sister for this photo)

Sleeping: As I mentioned last month, we were doing some Ferber sleep training and it was going really well. At the beginning of the month, you were only waking about once per night (compared to 5-6 times last month), and sleeping from ~8pm to ~5am, waking for a bottle, then sleeping until 8am.

But... then you got sick. So half the month was spent with some of the worst sleep nights you've ever had (newborn days included). We were sooo tired, and we knew you must be too! Luckily after we got the correct antibiotic and as you are starting to feel better, your better sleep appears to have returned, though we might have to revert to some sleep training because we created a few bad habits while you were sick.

In good news- I think we now have you napping in the crib, so I'm packing up the Rock n'Play. I love you, RnP! The nap story is the same- 2-3 naps of 30 minutes each. I'm not too worried about that- I think you're just not a great napper. You get a lot of sleep at night, so to me it makes sense you wouldn't sleep as much during the day.

Eating: You tried some new foods this month- like pears (don't like unless mixed with something else), peas (like), peaches (dislike), and squash (love). I think your favorite right now may be carrots. We didn't try quite as many things as I would have liked because when you got sick you completely lost your appetite and it was hard even getting you to drink your formula.

I did let you try some baby "puffs"- little snack treats that are flavored like banana that help you work on your "pincer grasp". So far you feel so-so about them but you like picking them up! It's the getting-them-in-your-mouth that's the tricky part. I also let you sample a few things by chewing them- a whole green bean, for example, and a slice of pear. You seem to enjoy that a lot, so I'll continue letting you try some foods this way (I also have this mesh feeder that we're going to try out). This month, you're also going to try yogurt and meat- though I'm not sure I want to puree meat so I might just grind some turkey or chicken into very fine pieces. You've been working on your sippy cup skills- you figured out how to drink/suck from it, but you can't quite tip it back far enough to do it completely by yourself.

You are still on two meals a day and 6 bottles, but I think we might go to three meals soon, plus 5 bottles per day (same total amount of formula, though you haven't been drinking quite as much lately).

Weight: No official weight check this month, but when we were at the ER last week, they weighed you at 17 lbs (with clothes on). I would expect your weight gain to be much less this month, because you really weren't eating your normal amounts for the last two weeks.

Diaper Size: Size 3 pampers. We really pushed the size 2 to try to get through the box I had! Size 3 fits much better.

Clothes Size: 6-9 months. You can still fit into a few 3-6 month outfits though.

Milestones/Firsts: First Christmas and first presents! (posts to come soon on our trip home). First trip to the ER (see above) and first ear infection (ugh).

You are a total pro at sitting and can turn and reach for things far away and still come back to the sitting position. If I'm sitting next to you, you will try to pull up onto my lap from the sitting position- you can't quite do it yet though, but you can get on your knees. Also, you can go from a sitting position onto your tummy- sometimes you can stay at the hand-knee position for a minute but you can't hold yourself up like that for very long yet. But, you have gotten really good at army crawling- today you inched across your entire room! And you can turn on your tummy and roll so you can get anywhere you want to go (albeit very slowly). We haven't needed baby gates yet but I've been researching which ones would work best because I think I might need to order them either this month or next.

You reach for people (especially mommy and daddy) very frequently to be picked up. You love to touch people's faces (and pull off glasses or tug on hair).

Likes/Dislikes: Ugh, the hatred for the car came back with a vengeance, perhaps because we spent more time than usual in the car this month with all our traveling. You actually seem okay with the carseat but as soon as we put the carseat in the car, the waterworks begin (even if one of us is back there with you).

Towards the end of the month, you've become a real mommy's girl- when you get tired or cranky, you just want me to hold you and no one else will do (Daddy for some reason seems much funnier from my arms). I'll try to sit you right next to me on the floor and you'll try to climb up into my lap almost immediately. It's certainly flattering and I love the extra snuggles but I don't want you to have separation anxiety so I'm hoping it's a relatively short phase!

You love music, singing, and dancing. As soon as someone sings to you or starts dancing, you just get the biggest smiles. I hope your love of music continues!

(thanks to my sister for this photo)

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